The Determination of a Potion's Master
by American Punk
Summary: Snape has a row with Hermione and she isn't willing to forgive him, will he let her go?HGSS
1. Goodbye to You

**"Goodbye To You"**

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

There's so much I want to say now

But it's too late I know

There's no way to heal these wounds now

And my heart bleeds for you

Hermione finished packing her bags slowly. Her seven years of schooling in the wizarding world were over today. It was time for her to leave the only place she considered home. This was the only place where she'd belonged, the only place she'd had friends. The only place she'd had someone whom she considered her equal. He was the most sarcastic, sadistic person she knew, but underneath all of that he was a brilliant man, if cold, and with the most biting humor she'd ever encountered. There was something about his dry humor that struck her as exceedingly amusing. They'd become acquaintances when Dumbledore assigned her as his assistant during the war.

She remembered when she was brewing a potion one evening and he'd come back from a Deatheater meeting shaking and bloody. She'd stayed the night to take care of him, much to his chagrin. He'd informed her several times that he did not need a nursemaid and made it along fine without her for years, she informed him that he was a cantankerous man with the attitude of a sulky toddler. She'd slipped him a sleeping potion and he pretended that he couldn't smell what it was from a mile away.

From that moment on, when he'd allowed her to take care of him, they'd become closer than friends. Lovers wasn't the right word as he'd refused to take their relationship further than a close friendship because of their positions. A student-teacher relationship was not what he wanted for them. He didn't want her to endure the comments that would undoubtedly be said by his Slytherins and even her best friends.

They'd had a row a few weeks prior before, the worst they'd ever had. She was afraid they couldn't go back to what they once were because of it. He'd never raised his voice to her, though she shouted until she couldn't speak anymore. He spoke to her condescendingly and told her that her idealistic views of the world betrayed how foolishly naïve she still was. She told him to go hell, and he informed her that he was already there.

She couldn't sleep after that. The look on his face when he told her to leave, so cold, haunted her. If he looked angry she could have still held hope, because that meant that he still cared, but the casual indifference cut deeper than any knife.

She put a hand to her chest and tried to stop herself from crying, the pain was unbelievable. She couldn't believe that it had come to this. She'd always defended him, and whenever he needed her she'd been there. Now she was leaving and he wouldn't even say goodbye.

And our love is crashing

Like a tidal wave

Coming over me

So I wanted you to know

That i finally let you go

After all I've held on to

This is my goodbye to you

I was always there for you

But you never saw the truth

And the reason that i know

Is I've finally let you go

Ron and Harry would never understand, and she never told them. They'd just sort of drifted away over the last year. After the war, no one was the same. She couldn't look at either of them anymore without seeing the pain in their eyes. Ron had lost Luna and Harry had lost Ginny. The pain of it had been unbearable for everyone. She was the reason that he was able to finally cast the killing curse.

Ginny had been Hermione's only girl friend. They had become increasingly close over the years. When Hermione had still had a crush on Ron, Ginny told Hermione rather embarrassing stories about him whenever he had made her mad. Ginny was the only person that Hermione had told about her feelings for Severus. After her initial astonishment, Ginny had confirmed that it made since, as Professor Snape was the only person with whom Hermione didn't have to dumb herself down. When Ginny died, Hermione broke inside. Now she was shattered further by Severus' betrayal.

Yesterday you were my best friend

But tomorrow took you away

There's not much for me to say now

Just goodbye, farewell

So much had been lost in the war. It almost seemed to Hermione that the result wasn't worth the cost. While there was no more Dark Lord, there were still rampant Death Eaters who, with no leader to control them, were killing everything in their path.

Hermione stopped packing when she came upon a small box. She remembered it from the only Christmas she had spent with Severus. It contained a locket with a serpent upon it. She'd worn in under her robes every day, but took it off the day he told her that she had to leave.

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Severus had seen Hermione very little in the past few weeks. He had, however, seen enough of her to notice that there was no glint of silver from a chain only partially concealed by her robes. He's been afraid that she would remove the locket. He knew that as long as she wore the locket, she still cared for him.

He'd been a right prat that night. He was convinced that he was in danger because of the Death Eaters that had eluded capture after the war. In a moment of idiotic nobility he'd pushed her away. He knew it was t he right thing to do, he couldn't risk her being harmed because of him and he knew that the rogue Death Eaters would find out about their relationship and take her in order to get to him. He knew that Lucius was among those still active and if he captured her, the bastard would undoubtedly take great pleasure in raping her as painfully as he could.

No matter how it hurt, he had to let her go. She may not be safe because she was a key player in the war, but she'd be safer than being the lover of a known traitor.

And our love is crashing

Like a tidal wave

Coming over me

It was a year since Hermione left Hogwarts. Severus continued to teach and Hermione was a Medi-Witch at St. Mungo's. It was a slow night around the hospital when a man was rushed in, horribly injured. He'd been the victim of a Death Eater attack. Hermione was assigned to him and she walked into the room to discover to her utmost horror that the man was Severus Snape. He was barely conscious. She gave him a sleeping draught and did the best she could to patch him up. He'd lost a lot of blood and so she fed him some blood-replenishing potion as well. Mercifully, he's stayed asleep during most of the procedure, which she knew to be quite painful.

She could tell that he'd been subjected to many bouts of the Cruciartus Curse, but there wasn't much that could be done for that. She left him when her shift was over, trying as hard as she could to keep herself professional.

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Severus woke in an unfamiliar place. He looked around. St. Mungo's. Hermione, had her face been a beautiful dream or had she really been here? Struggling to sit up, he read the sheet that said which doctor had been assigned to him.

I do hereby solemnly swear that I will do the most to preserve the patient.

_Hermione Granger_

Healer Hermione Granger

So, she had been there. Had she felt anything for him? He wished he could have told her that there was never a day that passed in which he didn't think of her.

He knew now that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. He should never have told her that he didn't care, he never should have asked her to leave. He could have protected her if she was with him. _How can I think that when I can't even protect myself?_ He knew the answer to that, though. _Because I care more for her than I do me. I was inviting trouble last night, and I knew it. I would never have done something to put her in danger. If need be I would die for her._

The door opened and the object of his thoughts entered. She was wearing emerald healer's robes and he had to say that the color became her. Her hair was longer now, and pulled back partially with a clip, presumably to keep it out of her eyes. She looked beautiful.

"Hello Mr. Snape, you will be able to leave in a few hours. I'm sure your students will be missing you terribly."

He couldn't help but smirk at her attempt to be professional.

"I miss you."

She spared him a disgruntled glance, how dare he after he all he put her through. All the pain and torment she suffered trying to sleep last night and all the months that she'd suffered.

"After a few more tests you'll be free to go."

"Don't pretend that you and I are nothing but acquaintances. We were once so much more."

"Now, I'm going to do a quick x-ray and see if your ribs have mended correctly."

"I made a mistake. I should have never let you go. I love you."

"So, this will only take a few moments, if you'll just sit back I'll be out of you hair very shortly."

"As I recall, I was usually the one with my hands in your hair."

"Mr. Snape, I would like to keep this as professional as possible."

And every time I close my eyes

My heart is bleeding deep inside

But now my eyes are open

And I'm never gonna be the one for you

I finally let you go

Let you go

Let you go so this is my goodbye to you.

As soon as she had finished with the check up she cleared him for leaving. She watched as he left the building, he paused for a moment and looked directly at her; the window framed her face.

"I'll never give up, Hermione."

She saw his lips move but couldn't hear the words. She could see the determination in his face.

AN: This is the first of two parts.

--American Punk--


	2. Here without you, or am I?

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the lyrics. However, Emerald is my own creation. 

Here Without You  
_  
A hundred days have made me older_

_  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

_  
A thousand lies have made me colder_

_  
And I don't think I can look at this the same_

_  
But all the miles that separate_

_  
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

Severus Snape tired to concentrate on the tests he was grading. He found this to be an excruciatingly difficult task as there was something else entirely on his mind. It had been over three months since he had been released from St. Mungo's and Hermione hadn't made any attempt to contact him. Was it possible that she wasn't going to? At one time, he had prided himself as being able to read her like a book, but now he didn't think he knew anything. His old Hermione would have come to Hogwarts eyes ablaze ready to fight these problems through with him. It almost seemed as though Hermione had lost her spirit. Was he responsible for it?

His mother had been a broken woman, was he just as bad as his father? No, what he'd done, he did out of love and concern. He would never physically harm her. But then, who knew more than he that the worst pain wasn't physical? Nothing that he'd even been put through hurt as bad as watching Hermione walk away that night when he'd told her to leave, no numerous bouts of the Cruciartus curse, no Marauder's humiliation, nothing.

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Hermione made her rounds and checked up on a few of her more cantankerous long-term patients. Finally, Hermione noted with a smile, it was time to check up on Emerald.

Emerald was her favorite patient. She was quite aged. Older even than Dumbledore, and she was the sweetest woman. Hermione entered the room and smiled at Emerald.

"Well, hello beautiful, how are we feeling today?"

Emerald grinned at her. "Well, I'm just wonderful, I'm looking through some pictures now, would you care t o join me?"

Hermione smiled and joined her. After fifteen minutes of grandchild and great grandchildren and even great-great-great grandchildren they arrived at Emerald's wedding photos.

"Ah, there's my Henry. Sharp as ever in his tux. How I miss him."

Hermione looked at the picture of the tall dark-haired man holding Emerald who was wearing a simple white wedding dress. She looked absolutely stunning.

"You should have heard the row we got into just before the wedding. It was absolutely horrid. I thought for a moment that we weren't going to get married."

Hermione arched a brow. "You don't say? How did you reconcile?"

"Well, he came to my house one day and told me he realized that he was an absolute prat. Then he told me he loved me and that he never meant for things to get so out of hand."

"And you took him back? Just like that?"

"You have to understand my Henry. He was a man with a considerable amount of pride. For him to admit he was wrong was an amazing feat. You see, my dear, it's not about being perfect, no one is, least of all men. It's about having the integrity to admit you were wrong. We had our share of arguments throughout the years, but we also had all the love in the world. That's what mattered. You know, he never even told me that he loved me." At Hermione's look of shock, she chuckled. "He had this strange thought that admitting his love would make him weak. He never had to, though. It was obvious to me. I held his hand as he left his world, I watched the life leave his eyes and regretted nothing of the years we had together except that I left when he asked me to before we were married. Those months I spent without him still stand as my only regret in life because as I look back I realize that those were days I could have spent with him."

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Severus threw another piece of parchment on the fire, another failed letter. He watched it blacken and curl in towards itself. Soon there was nothing left of it but ash.

_I'm here without you baby_

_  
But you're still on my lonely mind_

_  
I think about you baby_

_  
And I dream about you all the time_

_  
I'm here without you baby_

_  
But you're still with me in my dreams_

_  
And tonight it's only you and me_

If there ever was a night for Firewhiskey, it was tonight. He didn't want to dream. He didn't want to see her smile and see all the things that would never be. He had to face the facts. She was gone. He'd gone and screwed himself over again. Some things couldn't be fixed with an apology, no matter how heartfelt, no matter how much it hurt to say it.

He wandered to the cabinet and found the bottle he was looking for. Tonight was a night to get gloriously drunk. It marked their anniversary. This was the day he'd finally found the courage to confide his feelings to her and the day that she told him that she felt the same way.

If he couldn't spend this evening with her, he may as well spend it with an old friend, Ogden. He poured himself a large portion and raised it in a mock toast.

"Here's to love."

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Hermione wandered to her flat, her thoughts whirling. She couldn't get what Emerald said out of her mind. She'd respected the fact that Henry had swallowed his pride enough to apologize. Severus must have almost choked on his. Not only that, but he had told her that he loved her. She saw the vulnerability in his eyes when he did, but she turned away out of anger and a great deal of hurt.

How could she have done such a thing?

_The miles just keep rollin'_

_  
As the people leave their way to say hello_

_  
I've heard this life is overrated_

_  
But I hope that it gets better as we go_

Severus had long since given up the idea of getting drunk. He had no taste for it anymore. Before he met Hermione he would have had no problem consuming the bottle, but not now. Once she told him that she stayed with a drunken, abusive uncle for a holiday he decided against the drinking.

"Damn it all, she's the reason I want to drink, but she's also the reason I won't."

The room sounded even emptier after his short-lived outburst of anger. He remembered when it had seemed so alive with Hermione in it. The way she seemed to fill the room with sunshine and joy. The life went out of both his room and himself when she left. He couldn't stay here, not tonight.

He grabbed his cloak and left the dungeons, aimlessly walking the castle. It was impossible to try to forget her in a castle that had once been as much her home as it was his.

_I'm here without you baby_

_  
But you're still on my lonely mind_

_  
I think about you baby_

_  
And I dream about you all the time_

_  
I'm here without you baby_

_  
But you're still with me in my dreams_

_  
And tonight girl its only you and me_

He ended up by the lake, just watching the smooth surface. They'd been here too. She helped him gather ingredients by the lakeshore. Once she'd been reaching for an herb that had been just slightly out of her reach and she accidentally fell in. It would have been much funnier if it hadn't been winter and if she knew how to swim. He ended up having to leap in after her, which resulted in both of them being soaked from head to toe in ice cold water. Looking back on it now, it was rather funny.

It hadn't been funny then.

The terror that ripped through him when he realized she couldn't swim had been all consuming. He couldn't think. He just reacted upon his instincts to protect what he cared for. He brought her back to his rooms to enjoy the feel of hot tea and a crackling fire. They laughed at it later, or rather, she laughed whilst he lectured her about the idiocy of going to close to the water's edge when she couldn't swim. She simply replied that if one stayed away from the edge forever in their life, they wouldn't have very much fun.

Then she kissed him. It was wrong, he knew it, and if someone walked in then they would have been in serious trouble.

But that was what she'd meant about living on the edge. Then he pushed her off of it with a few ill-said words, but a well-intended action.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go_

_  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love_

_  
And when the last one falls_

_  
When it's all said and done_

_  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love_

Severus shook himself from his reverie and stood. He spared one last glance at the lake before he left. How could there been anything in the world so calm when he was in such turmoil?

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Hermione was torn. Should she go and risk breaking the heart she'd so carefully put back together? Should she stay and live her life as far from the edge, knowing that at least she wouldn't risk falling in? She remembered what Emerald told her about her only regret. Making up her mind she apparated to Hogwarts.

She determinedly strode past the lake and through the doors that led to the Great Hall. She took the stairs down, down, down until she was in the ever so familiar dungeons.

The path to get to Severus' rooms was almost like a maze, but as she'd walked those very stones before she knew where she was going.

She was at his door now and, steeling herself, she knocked.

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Who the bloody hell was knocking on his door at this time. Whoever it was was going to be extremely sorry for it.

He yanked the door open with an unpleasant "WHAT?!"

Hermione almost jumped at this tone of voice, but as soon as he saw her, his tense body relaxed slightly.

"Hermione." Her name almost sounded like a prayer when he said it.

"May I come in, Severus?"

He nodded wordlessly and stepped back, allowing her entrance. She stepped into the so familiar room and turned to look at him. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, staring at her as though he'd never seen her before in his life.

"You're here."

It was amazing that his voice could still send shivers of pleasure down her spine.

"Yes. If I was as smart as everyone tells me I am, I would have never left."

"Hermione, before we say or do anything I have to tell you something."

She nodded. He gestured for her to sit and when she did he turned his back on her. She saw his hands clenched behind his back and saw this as a sign of his nervousness.

"Let me explain my actions. I asked you to leave me for one reason and one reason alone. I was afraid." He turned to look at her. "Terrified, really. You have to understand, these rogue Death Eaters would love to see me dead. They would do almost anything to hurt me, and that means hurting anyone I loved. As you can imagine, that is a rather short list, beginning with, and ending with, you. I could never forgive myself if they hurt you because of me and the only conceivable way to ensure your safety was to make you hate me. I've tried to stop loving you and when I failed I tried to stop thinking about you. Finally when that didn't work, I tied drinking myself in stupor every night. Merlin knows I tried to not think of you but I couldn't help dreaming of you.

The night I was attacked, it was when I was leaving a pub. They saw they're opportunity and they took it, and I'm glad they did. When they attacked me that made me have to go to the hospital. Which meant I got to see you. It was then I realized something, I can't live without you. If you came here tonight to tell me to leave you alone I only ask that you kill me because I won't be able to. Not anymore."

He stared at her. She stood up.

"Now it's my turn. I love you, Severus Snape. Nothing can change that. Believe me, I've tried everything. I can't stop loving you and I wouldn't have it any other way."

He strode across the room and took her in his arms. Slowly, like a man in a dream, he traced her face with his long elegant fingers. Then, even more slowly, he tilted her chin up and kissed her.

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"We stand here today to honor the memory of a wonderful woman. Emerald Rosings was a friend to all and a wonderful mother and grandmother. She affected more lives than we can ever know. It was her wish that this be read upon her death.

"Don't cry for me my friends. I'm finally where I want to be. Henry and I will dance across the stars for all eternity. Remember please, that true love will shine through. If you think of me, then I'll never truly leave you."

Severus and Hermione Snape had come to pay their respects to Emerald. Hermione cried as she laid a single flower on the casket. Severus let go of her hand for a moment and knelt by the coffin.

"Thank you Emerald."

_I'm here without you baby_

_  
But you're still on my lonely mind_

_  
I think about you baby_

_  
And I dream about you all the time_

_  
I'm here without you baby_

_  
__**But you're still with me in my dreams**_

_  
__**And tonight girl its only you and me**_**  
**

A/N: Sorry, I was feeling soppy ending.

Review please, if you do I may consider a story to tell of how they fell in love to begin with.


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